Can you list the 7 deadly sins?

Right off the top of my head, I can't.  Given a few minutes to write them out, I probably could, but at the moment, the only one that is really sticking out is gluttony.

Oh boy, am I a sinner.

Super short back story: my absolute favorite kind of cake is red velvet.  Yesterday, I decided to make red velvet cupcakes.  Smaller packages, easier to transport, easier to portion control, yadda yadda yadda.

Last night, I had one cupcake.

Today, after lunch ...

That's right, that's 2 wrappers.  Worst part?  I had another one after I took this picture :(

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Deep breaths.  I keep forgetting to take deep breaths.

This week has been cah-razy!!  It was my first full week back to school, with last week pretty much just being introductions, passing out of syllabi, what have you.

Let me tell you, I am exhausted.

I added another class this semester which, reflecting on, maybe I shouldn't have done.  Especially not with one of those classes being biology.

Have I mentioned I hate biology?  Well, I do.  I loathe it.  With every fiber of my being.  BUT I need life science classes and, well, you tell me what I'm to do if not take biology.  Exactly.

But other than school being a tad bit overwhelming, I've slowly begun to feel like I'm drowning.

We found out last week that my grandmother has lung cancer.  And we found out this week that it's worse than initially thought.  And here is where my struggles begin.  I feel heartless.  I feel cold.  I feel like I should be crying my eyes out because my grandmother has cancer, but for some reason, I'm just not.

Truthfully, behind it all, is my basic mentality.  I don't believe in karma, per se, but I do believe you get out of life what you put in.  And this goes for health, as well.  For the most party, anyway, but more on that later.  My grandmother is in her 70s (I believe, don't quote me on this - my grandmother was VERY young when my mother was born.  16 to be exact, so my numbers are always a bit hazy).  But she has smoked for over 50 years.  Now, I understand back then it wasn't thought of as cancer-causing.  Yeah, you coughed, but who cares, right?!

Ugh.  Gosh, I don't even know how to work this properly, even though I've gone through it in my head a million times over.  I can only feel so much sympathy for someone who has cancer because of a life choice.  My grandmother chose to smoke, just like my uncle chose to smoke, and just like I chose to quit smoking.  (Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have previously smoked.  For about 9 years.  And I haven't smoked in 4 years, thank you very much!)

The reason I bring this up now is because today my week got even more difficult.  A little back story:

I have this absolutely wonderful customer.  We'll call her E.  She's an absolute sweetheart.  She's in her 40s, lovely as can be.  And cute, did I mention cute?  Yeah, she's aDOREable.  Tiny little lady.  I first really got to know her when she confided in me that her one savings account was a secret account, one that she was slowly putting a little bit of money into each paycheck because she was saving up for a [surprise] trip to Italy for her and her husband for their 20th anniversary.  Yes, she's that wonderful.

Last year, that all went down the drain.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer.  The account was no longer to save up for her romantic trip to Italy with the man she loved.  It went to saving her life, supporting her family while she was out of work, and, after her cancer went into remission, to donating to foundations to find a cure for breast cancer.  Things have been going GREAT for her since then.  Small surgeries, little bit of radiation.  Didn't even have to have a full mastectomy.

Today, she told me her cancer is back.  She's having another surgery next week and will be out of work (with no disability pay) for the next 6-8 weeks.  I am absolutely heartbroken.  Devastated, even.

But I know that the very best thing I can do for her is pray, which I have been and will continue to do.

I know I don't have very many followers, but if you all could pray for her as well, I would greatly appreciate it.

Peek-A-Boo!

I'm popping back in for a moment to just update everyone a bit, since I haven't posted last week.

I have been consumed.  That's the best word for it.  Consumed and exhausted.  It's not even 11pm and I am typing this out through droopy eyelids.

I have to be up at 6 tomorrow for my 8-2 school day (with no lunch break, go me for that awesome scheduling!).  This first week has me a bit overwhelmed.  I'm realizing just how little free time I truly have. Last semester, I had 4 classes, but they were all concentrated to MWF.  This semester, I have classes on all 5 days, which means I am GO GO GO MWF, from school to work and then home and on TuTh, I am just GO GO with long days at school.

I know that by this time next week I'll be a bit more relaxed, because I'll a) understand fully what my professors are expecting out of me for each class and b) have a better grasp on my time management, knowing which days I should focus on which classes, what homework I can do from home and what homework I shouldn't even think about looking at with a child running around.

And that's another thing!  Katie's getting ridiculously close to walking and I know that, once that happens, all hell will break loose.

Welp, ladies and gentlemen ... I'm off to dreamland!  I'm hoping that Katie will cooperate and sleep through the night again tonight.  Or, if she doesn't, that my darling husband who's up playing video games anyway will grab her so I can sleep and not doze during classes tomorrow.

:)

SUCCESS!

Day 1 of classes was a success!

I have two more today, so I'll be able to have a bit more of a gauge of how crazy this semester is going to be.

My biology class is gonna be nuts.  My professor is the one who wrote our lab manual.  She has a PhD in Molecular Biology.  And she's, like, 30.  Goodness.

My art teacher is a bit wonky, but what do you expect from an art teacher?!

My humanities teacher is ... well ... not interesting.  The original professor took a job teaching in California (smart of him to get out of this frozen tundra).  This new teacher was totally unprepared, which was to be expected since she was assigned this class just 3 weeks ago.

We'll see today how my poetry and history professors are.

And then, post-classes, I have a nice long day at work.  And by long, I mean 4.5 hours.  But long nonetheless, since it'll be after school.

And just as I'm complaining about how long my day is going to be, I look over to find Katie intricately threading her hair through a cheerio.  :)

I love this girl :)

And so it begins ...

Ah, school.  How I have missed thee...

Really, I have.  I miss the collegiate atmosphere, even if it is minimal.  Come on, I go to community college.

Don't look at me like that!  Let's be honest here, community college isn't exactly attended by the world's best and brightest!  That's not to say there aren't serious students there.  I go there, don't I?  My point is, most of the students that go to Triton are there for one reason - to keep their parents off their backs about going to college.

Sigh.

And then there's me.  A student who, after throwing away an excellent education at Loyola University (and Bradley University before that) realized just a wee bit late in life that working at Chase as a bank teller is not satisfying.  Nor is it what I want my daughter to grow up with.  I want Katie to be proud of me, while at the same time using me (and her father, for that matter) as an example of what NOT to do post-high school.

Anyway, I'm VERY excited to start back at school, yet also a wee bit nervous.  I'm taking on an extra class this semester after learning that last semester was an absolute breeze.  We're going to test it out and see how much of a difference one extra class makes.

But there is one thing I wanted to share that just proves how nerdy I am :)

This, ladies and gentlemen (well, mostly ladies), is my backpack for my MWF classes :)

And THIS is my backpack for my TuTh classes.

What you can't see is the inside, the contents of these two bags.  That's right, I have color coordinated folders/notebooks/binders.  All with little labels announcing to the world what classes they are each for, what time those classes are and what room those classes are held in.  

Oh boy, let the OCD commence!

I WON!!!!

I won I won I won I won I won!!!!

The contest that Joy was having over at her blog (Living On Trees)?  Remember?  The one with the giveaway for $75 gift certificate for Picture People?!?!

Well, I won!!!!

I'm so excited!

I never win these things!!!!

I can't wait to get Katie's shots done and post them up here for y'all to see!!!!!



That is all. :)

And the grand total is ...

During lunch, when my husband came home for his 30 minute visit (lucky us he lives so darn close to work!), he set a task for me: come up with a budget to decide how much he needs to make a year in order for me to be comfortable.

So, I'm thinking maybe this was done with a tid bit of a snarky attitude, but either way, it's a task I am to complete.  And I'm seeing just how much money we spend a month.

Mike likes to point out on occasion that we used to get by with him making much less than he is now.  And it's my job to point out that we now have a daughter and I now work only part-time.  He usually huffs at this point.  But the truth is, after going through our pay statements from last year, we only made about $8000 more a year than we had the previous year and we have much more expenses.  Our daughter is expensive!  And that's with all the hand-me-downs and mommy bargain hunting for clothes!

The truth of the matter is, if Mike is to get another job, he would have to make at least equal what he's making now.

At this point, I should make the disclaimer that we do have a savings account.  A savings account we do not look at.  A savings account where 10% of both of our paychecks are direct deposited.  But at the same time, we don't want to really factor that into our budget, into our thinking because otherwise, we run the risk of dipping into it unnecessarily and therefore hindering our chances of ever being able to afford a down payment on a house.  (If there's anything this housing crisis has taught me, it's that I do NOT want to ever do an FHA loan, because that means I'm probably not able to really afford the house - not that I'm judging anyone who has gotten an FHA loan.  It's just simply not for me).

But the fact of the matter is, we spend.  A lot.  And we don't even have "top of the line" items or really a whole lot of things.

We just like to eat out.  Which has got to stop.  For a number of reasons.  But that's a post for another time.

Le sigh.

Living On Trees: Picture People Give-Away

Joy at Living on Trees is giving away a $75 gift certificate for Picture People! Go check it out and find out how you can win!!! The contest ends tomorrow, so hurry over there!!!

Living On Trees: Picture People Give-Away

Got the Life!

I am an absolute Regis & Kelly junkie.  I love it.  When I was on maternity leave, my morning consisted of WGN Morning News, followed by Regis & Kelly, followed by Rachael Ray.  My favorite part of the morning was always Regis & Kelly.

I have entered almost every single contest R&K has held, either for myself or on someone else's behalf.

But, I don't really like the interviews.  Is that weird?  I love the witty banter back and forth pre-interviews.  Halfway through the show, I tend to lose interest.  Well, this morning, I truly thought about this and why that is.  And I think I've figured it out!

I admire Kelly Ripa.  I don't idolize her, don't get that confused.  I admire her.  I admire how involved she is in various charities.  I admire her ambition (she's got a bunch of shows, you realize this, right?).  I admire her marriage (I know it's not perfect, but it certainly seems like it, and, come on - she's married to Mark Consuelos).  I admire her relationship with her children and how much she just gushes about them daily.  And did I mention, I admire her body?  She's hot and she has a definite lack of boob-age, which is just right up my alley!  We flat-chested girls MUST stick together!

Kelly Ripa has got the life!

I know there's a lot that goes on when the cameras are off but she just seems like such a well-rounded individual!  You don't ever hear nonsense about her in the tabloids, never any random paparazzi shots of her family or tear-streaked face as she storms out of the house!  She doesn't ever seem to be surrounded by scandal.  She's just your everyday, average woman who just so happens to co-host a very popular morning talk show!

And this is where I realize that I have devoted an entire blog entry to Kelly Ripa.  :)

Thankful - January 13th

1. I am thankful for mornings when I get out of the shower, do my hair and makeup, get dressed and feel beautiful.  Days like this are rare.  Sure, I have flaws, obviously, but on mornings like this, I don't see them.

2. I am thankful for cutting back our cable.  At first, I was a bit sad we I would be missing guilty pleasures such as Jersey Shore and Jerseylicious (notice a trend?), but it was nice to go to sleep at a decent hour and not spend mindless hours in front of the TV.

3. I am thankful for my husband's better attitude this morning.  Last night, he was so discouraged because of work and it led to a small tiff, but this morning, he's a changed man, all because of an early morning cuddle session with Katie.

4. I am thankful for my financial aid coming in today because I can finally go pick up my books.

5. I am thankful for coffee.  End of story.

Today's reading are Genesis 31-32 and Matthew 9:18-38

Hmmmm ....

One thing I've struggled with concerning this blog is which direction I really want to take it in.  Do I want to keep it very faith based?  Do I want tot ake the general direction of mommyhood?  My readers seem to all be moms (with the exception of my husband, sweetheart that he is).  No doubt in my mind I'm going to keep faith a large part of my blog, but I'm still debating.

I'm up in the air.  Do I make my blog like a chat amongst girlfriends?

Oh, the things to ponder ...

Thankful - January 12th

1. I am thankful for my husband forgoing his video game last night to relax on the couch with me.  Spending alone time with him and going to bed at the same time as him makes my night and helps me fall asleep faster.

2. I am thankful for slow enough days at work that I can catch up on non-homework reading.

3. I am thankful for Mike taking tomorrow off of work to come with me to Katie's one year appointment.

4. I am thankful for my triple venti white chocolate mocha latte that I got before work this afternoon.  It is truly the only thing keeping me awake on this epically slow day.

5. I am thankful for days at work without my boss.  Come on, who doesn't love it when their boss doesn't come in?

Thankful - January 11th

1. I am thankful for very productive nap times.  Before Katie could wake up from her morning nap, I was able to do the dishes, shower and read the Bible.

2. I am thankful for not needing to go anywhere today.  It's snowing and there isn't a single place I need to be.

3. I am thankful for days devoted entirely to my daughter.

4. I am thankful for Regis & Kelly (I know, I know) and the possibility of a romantic getaway for someone near to my heart.

5. I am thankful for the good night's rest I got last night that really brought me back to myself and should hopefully make me a fun mommy to be around today.

Today's readings are Genesis 27-28 and Matthew 8:18-34

Thankful - January 10th

1. I am thankful for the exciting, party-filled weekend.  The best part?  They were both first birthday parties!  Katie's birthday party was Saturday and her future husband's birthday party was yesterday.  And we finally got some super cute photos of them together!!

2. I am thankful for my husband volunteering to wash the bottles and most of the laundry.  I wish he truly realized the difference in makes in my day and therefore my attitude.  Maybe he'd volunteer more often :)

3. I am thankful for the sanity that I maintained this weekend, even after planning the party, Katie's exhausted meltdown mid-party and my family's evergrowing ability to slowly drive me mad.

4. I am thankful for WGN Morning News. Their crazy antics make 6 am much more manageable.  The coffee probably helps, too.

5. I am thankful for the ability to drop Katie off at my in-law's house so I can grocery shop alone.


I have a lot of catching up to do because of just sheer exhaustion from this weekend SO today's readings are (ready for it?) Genesis 20 - 26 AND Matthew 6:19-34 - 8:1-17

So ... so ... very tired

Hello all!

I don't want you to think I forgot about my promise to write every day the 5 things I'm thankful for, but here's the deal.

I wrote them all out (I do it in a notebook first, always) while I was at work but, unfortunately, because I worked a 10 hour day, came home and cleaned the house and now have Katie's 1st birthday party tomorrow, I won't be putting it up.

I'm not sure if I'll get to it tomorrow night either, really depends on how pooped we all are after the party BUT I promise that I will be all caught up with you on Sunday

:)

What is your favorite late-night show?

As a mom of an almost one year old (if you can't tell, I'm still holding on to her infancy, clinging to it for dear life), I often find myself up at odd hours, hours when people are either coming home from bars, getting up for work or cuddling their crying children.

Most times, I don't bother turning on the television.  It just grabs Katie's attention and doesn't let go.  But every once in awhile, she'll be in a deep enough sleep that I can turn it on, yet not deep enough to allow me to go to sleep.  It's times like these that I throw on the ol' boob tube and see what I can find.

So what's on in the waning midnight hours?

Crap.  That's what.

Although, there is one channel that has become my post-10pm obsession.  The Food Network.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Food porn, that's what it can be likened to.

Right now, I'm watching Chopped.  Food competition shows are, by far, my favorite.  I love watching the creativity come out, watching people channel their families and their heritages and their neighborhoods.

I really wish I could cook like these people.  I really wish I could come close to these people!  BUT, I can't.  Not without a little bit of technical training, anyway.

Maybe I'll try to talk Mike into taking a couples cooking class.  Ooh!  That'd be fun!!!!

So, my dear, darling 5 followers (big love to you all!), what are the channels/shows that you simply adore?

Thankful - January 6th

1. I am thankful for Wal-Mart!  Well, not every Wal-Mart.  The one closest to my house is horrible with its massive crowds and limited English-speaking clientele and customers who abandon their carts in the middle of aisles.  The one I went to today is great!  I picked up the remaining supplies for Katie's birthday party for dirt cheap!

2. I am thankful for coffee.  Katie decided to wake up at 6:30 this morning (in hysterics, I might add.  I believe teeth are to blame).  If it weren't for my coffee this morning, I would not be functioning right now.

3. I am thankful for small bursts of energy that get me to clean more than I had planned.

4. I am thankful for my husband's understanding when I told him last night how badly I want another baby.  He listened to me without interruption (a rarity for him).  He didn't shoot me down immediately and he didn't call me crazy (which was what I expected).

5. I am thankful for infant pain relievers.  If you're a parent of a teething child, you know why :)

Today's readings are Genesis 16-18 and Matthew 6

Thankful - January 5th

1. I am thankful for my gorgeous baby girl and her smile that can be an absolute life saver.  I love this girl with my entire being.

2. I am thankful for my flexible husband who does not mind wathing his [nerdy] show (Battlestar Gallactica) on the computer with headphones so as not to wake our sleeping daughter.

3. I am thankful for Zynga.  Yes, I am one of those moms who plays Farmville, Frontierville, Cityville.  Although, to clarify, I only play Cityville right now.  I don't have the brainpower nor the notion to play more than one of these at a time.

4. I am thankful for the wonderful WTE mommas whom I have grown to love over these past (almost) two years.  I don't speak to many of the too often, but even just reading their blogs or catching up on conversations on the message board can turn my day around.

5. I am thankful for peace of mind.  I have been through a lot this past week and I know that however any of this turns out, I have my husband and my baby girl and, most importantly, I have God.

Todays readings are Genesis 13-15 and Matthew 5

I MISS THE CUDDLE TIME!!!!!

As I mentioned earlier, Katie has gotten into the habit of now putting herself to sleep for naptime.  Well, tonight it progressed to bedtime as well.  I knew this would happen eventually and I know that it needed to happen.  But did it have to happen so easily?!?!  She hasn't put up a fight once!

Not that I was looking forward to a big giant fight or screaming matches or a clingy baby that would drive me to tears while she cries it out in her crib.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not missing that at all.

But come on?!?!  She seems happy not to have to cuddle anymore.

Le sigh.  It's bad enough she's gonna be a year old on Saturday and that she's almost 100% on whole milk. It's hard knowing that my baby girl isn't so much a baby anymore.

I know that she's still going to need me for many years to come.  And I know that she's always going to be my baby girl, even if she isn't a "baby" anymore.

But it's sad to know I'm slowly being nudged onto the sidelines.

Thankful - January 4th

1. I am thankful for my daughter's newfound ability to put herself to sleep for naptime.  Although I do miss our cuddle time during the day, I know that my new free time during her naps will give me more bonding time with her when she is awake.

2. I am thankful for the ability to look at houses and know that we have the possibility of ownership in the very near future.

3. I am thankful for my father-in-law, without whose dedication and hard work, our families would not be able to continue in the fashion in which we live.  His hard working nature allows my mother-in-law to stay home and care for Katie while I work and go to school.

4. I am thankful for Pell Grants, without which I would be putting my family in debt to go to school.  This year, not only was my tuition completely paid, but my books were as well.

5. I am thankful for days off with my daughter, with no work and no school, with no obligations.

Todays readings are Genesis 10-12 and Matthew 4.

“This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

“This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” My, how we all long to hear words like that.  


I've discovered in recent months just how much I desire crave my parents' approval.  I want them to be proud of how hard I work, not only at the job I get paid for, but also at the one I don't, the one that rewards me in hugs and kisses and slobbers and giggles.


Unfortunately, most days, I don't feel that.


I'm not saying that I feel as though my parents aren't proud of me, I'm just saying that, if they are, perhaps they're not showing it in ways I'd expect.


The hardest person for me to communicate this with is ... well, to be honest, both my mother AND my father.  But for two totally different reasons.  With my dad, I know that he's proud of me, even if he doesn't outright say it.  He's not a touchy-feely kind of dad.  He's an empirical man.  He likes numbers and theories and all those other science-y, non-emotional kinds of things.  


My mom.  Oh boy, my mom.  If I'm truly being honest with you, and with myself for that matter, I don't even think my mom's proud of me.  But, see, now that sounds mean.  A better way to put it would be more along the lines of: I don't think my mom's ever thought to be proud of me.  But then, that's how it's always been with us.  Lately, though, things have gotten a bit ... strained.


To know the [latest] issue between my mother and I, I have to backpedal a little bit.  Mike, Katie & I live in what used to be my grandfather's house, the house my father grew up in, the house my father now owns, and rents to us.  This house happens to be approximately 4 blocks away from my mom.  When we moved in here (I was 5-6 months pregnant at the time), my mom went on and on and on about how much she'd get to see the baby, how often she'd be over, how much she'd help, BUT she didn't want to overextend her welcome.  Sounds wonderful!


Sigh. It didn't happen that way.  We barely ever got phone calls or texts or anything.  We didn't get visits, except for a couple when we first came home from the hospital.  We were busy with a new baby (our first, therefore, our most nerve-wracking) and therefore, didn't have much time to even attempt to communicate with the outside world.


Enter, September.  I'm officially back to school, full time, while also working, part time.  Plus the baby, maintaining a household, running errands, homework, class work, driving here and there and everywhere.  By 11pm, I'm lucky if I'm sitting up straight, or that I've managed to remove my makeup before promptly laying into my pillow with a big slobbery wet one!


But then Christmas comes.  And Katie is a bit shy to go into the wide-open arms of her Ama.  Suddenly, the onslaught of blame begins.  "You know, she's been alive almost 12 months and I've seen her less than 10 times!"  "Oh Katie, I know, you don't know who I am.  I'm a complete stranger!"  "We knew Katie was going to be babysat by her other Grandma, but we didn't know we'd never see her!"


She's lucky I didn't scream.  She's lucky I didn't rip my (by that time, beaming and giggling) daughter from her arms.  She's lucky I didn't burst into tears!  Well, maybe I'm lucky for that last one.


I really wish my mother understood how busy we are.  How little time I actually get to spend with my daughter.  How little bonding I get to do with her and how much her YaYa and Auntie JoJo get to.  She knows this.  But she doesn't understand.


Maybe that's because she never really made an attempt to bond with me.


But that's a post for another time.


I'm hoping to be back bright and early with another list of things I'm thankful for, but Mike and I are both off in the morning, so it may be put off until the afternoon.


I've gotten all caught up with my readings, in case you're wondering.  Perhaps it helps a bit that I've read the creation and Noah stories quite a few times.  We'll see how easy it is to read 9 chapters when I get to Leviticus and Deuteronomy. :/

Thankful - January 3rd

1. I am thankful for my husband, who goes to a job he despises for a company that drains him, all so he can provide for his family, and STILL rubs my feet at the end of the day.

2. I am thankful for my beautiful daughter, who turns 1 on Saturday.  She puts a smile on my face each and every day, all while also making me want to pull my hair out.

3. I am thankful for my incredibly helpful in-laws.  Without them, going to school and working would be darn near impossible. (Sidenote: Happy 30th Birthday, JoDee!)

4. I am thankful for my father, who allows us to stay in our home for dirt cheap, even though it is probably costing him much more than we are paying him.  This allows also allows me to work part-time and go to school full-time.

5. I am thankful for the mini-meltdown I had Saturday night, which brought me back to God, deeper into His loving arms, where I can find a peace that surpasses all understanding and a comfort I can find nowhere else.

This week, I have a wee bit of catching up to do on verses, since we're 3 days into the new year and I am just beginning this adventure today.  Today's assignment is Genesis 7-9 and Matthew 3, plus throughout this week, I need to catch up with Genesis 1-6 and Matthew 1-2.

Please pray for me, if you are so inclined, that I may meet my goals this year!

<3

My Very First Post

Today is the day I begin my blog.  Truthfully, I should have started it on Saturday, but this is quite honestly the first chance I got.

My goal for this year is to come up with 5 things I'm thankful for AND read through the Bible.

I've attempted to read through the Bible before, but I did it without a plan, just read straight through and, while that may work for some people, it didn't seem to work for me.  I did read through the New Testament, but the Old Testament, particularly the first 5 books, are so heavy with (seemingly) mundane information, it seemed to weigh on me and I just couldn't finish.

I'm going to post the 5 things I'm thankful for every day (Lord and Comcast willing) and also the verses I'm planning to read that day.

I hope you'll follow along with me as I go through this one (and hopefully more) year long journey and, perhaps I can even inspire you to do the same.