A Letter to my Daughter

Katy Bug,

You’re going to be a big sister soon.  While I am ecstatic (and a tad impatient) for your brother to make his way into our world, I also have a sense of melancholy that accompanies every moment.  This is going to be a big change for us, for you.  I know that you will not remember much (if anything at all) of our time as a family of three, but I will.  I want you to know that I treasure this time together, this time before our family expands and grows and changes.  

I have awoken each morning for the past few weeks wondering if this is going to be the day that everything changes.  Right now, you’re our only child, YaYa and PaPa’s only grandchild, Great-Grandma Iowa’s only great-grandchild.  To say that you are spoiled with love (and affection and time and a whole slew of other things) is a gross understatement.  This is a going to be a big change for you.

I worry that you will feel resentment toward your brother.  I worry that you will feel left out and unloved.  I want you to know that is most definitely not the case.  You will be loved just as much when your brother is born as you were the day you were born.  In fact, I’d say you’re going to be loved more, because I know your brother will adore you.  How could he not?  You are the funniest child I have ever known.  I can almost guarantee that his first smiles will be reserved for you.

I pray that you have a wonderful relationship with your brother.  I know from experience that little brothers are a pain, but I hope you have a bond with him that I never had with any of my siblings.  I want you to go on adventures together, to create memories that will forever bind you together.  I want you to seek your brother’s approval when you meet “the one,” but I don’t want his opinion to be the end-all opinion.  

You are so loved, Katy Bug.  I wish that I could give you siblings and not have our relationship change at all, but I know that is impossible.  I want for you to not have to share me with your brother, to not have to share your daddy.  

I am excited to see how you are with your new baby brother.  Will you be nurturing and caring from the start?  Will you immediately show jealousy and resentment?  Will you think he’s cute?  Will you smother him with kisses or try to bite him like Auntie Jo did to your daddy?  Will you be confused by the new routine we’ll try to establish?  Will you rebel or will you go with the flow?

I’m also excited to see your relationship with daddy grow.  He’s going to be around a lot more than normal during the first couple weeks of your brother’s life.  He’ll spend most of that time with you, including you in helping me take care of your brother.  I know that you will become closer with him soon.  While that makes me so happy to know that you will develop an even more intimate bond with daddy, it makes me sad, too, to know that it will come with a strain, however small, on our bond.  

I want to apologize right now for how tired I’m going to be very soon.  Your brother is going to take a lot of energy from me, keeping me awake when I would normally be sleeping.  You did this, too, when you were first born.  The only difference is that, when you first arrived, the only other person affected was daddy.  I want to say I’m sorry for all the stories you try to tell me that I only half hear; I’m sorry for snapping on you when your brother is inconsolable and you try to “help”; I’m sorry for wanting alone time when I should be spending one-on-one time with you.  Although mommies are supposed to be superheroes, we’re only human.  I will fall short, just like everyone else does.  I can only pray that my shortcomings are greatly outweighed by the number of times I succeed in being an amazing mommy.

I love you, my little Katy Bug, and I always will.  Even if you do bite your brother.

Love always,

Mommy