Monday, April 25, 2011

I'm losing it

At what point do you finally throw your hands up in the air, give up, and walk out?  (For those concerned, this has nothing to do with my immediate family/household - I will never have intentions of walking out on my loves - my husband and daughter are my life)

I'm really struggling to find the words to say to someone (or, rather, a group of people).  I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

On one hand, if I just throw my words out there, carelessly but truthfully, people will be hurt.  And pretty severely.

On the other hand, if I don't, I'm hurting.  My family is hurting.

I'm struggling to find the balance.  Niceties don't work.  Subtleties don't work.  With these people, it needs to be in their face.  And they're the type of people who hold grudges, never let things go (one of the reasons we need to have this talk).  It's not like I can say something, things will change and everything will be hunky-dorey.  No, this will carry on and on.

It was one thing when there was really only one person who made her snide little remarks and passive-aggressive slaps to the face.  But now others are getting involved.  Others that I know can't come up with the ideas on their own, so they've got to be coming from somewhere.

It's beginning to be too much to handle.

I want to move.

I want to leave this town, this state and, sometimes, this country.

Not on my own, of course.  I want to bring my beautiful little family (and my in-laws for that matter!)

I just don't understand how people who become a part of your life through marriage can love you more than the people who raised you, who share the same blood.

No comments:

Post a Comment