One Week

I'm really hoping to get this in before Katie wakes up, which could be any minute now.  I apologize ahead of time if this isn't too coherent.

I promised I would do this blog post yesterday, but with work, church, and super active, bubbly toddler, it just wasn't going to happen.  And we have an equally busy day today, so if I don't do this now, it won't happen.

And now I'm rambling.  Oy.

All right - it's been one week.  One whole week.  No binky.  Here's how it went down.

The graduation from full binky to no binky was actually quite smooth.  We poked holes the first day.  We snipped the bitty tip the second.  Cut some more the third.  Made a long slit down the middle the fourth.  By Saturday, it was gone.

Last Saturday, I worked so Mike was home with Katie.  He said she did great, only asked for it once, and that last all of 3 seconds before she moved on.  She took her nap with no problem.  Mommy came home and it was a completely different story (I don't know why she would think I would give it to her - Mommy's the strict one in the family!).

She threw a very scary tantrum.  Blood curdling screams, hitting anyone and anything she came in contact with.  So I did what I thought was best.  I put her in a two minute timeout in her crib (we have since graduated to timeouts against the wall because I don't want her to associate her bed with punishment - I just needed to contain her somewhere).  We walked out of the room and out of sight.  She screamed for the entire two minutes.  They were SO full of emotion: anger, despair, melancholy, longing.  I didn't know a toddler could feel so much emotion in such a short span of time!

When the two minutes were up, I went in to "rescue" her, she clung to me, whimpering out "Mommy.  Binty.  Mommy.  Binty.  Mama?  Binty?"

And that was really the only meltdown we had!  Well, binky-related anyway.  She still has meltdowns when we leave YaYa's house (or when YaYa leaves our house - BTW, should I take offense at the fact that my daughter does not meltdown when I leave, or when Daddy leaves, or anyone else, for that matter?  Just when YaYa leaves).

And other than a very small number of times crying out for her binky, we've done really well without it!

I really must recommend trying this method out if you're looking for a way to ween your child off his/her pacifier.  What's the worst that could happen?

 So smiley ... and so in need of a haircut!

 We've taken to reading in the car to avoid meltdowns

 "Mommy, can you stop singing?  I'm trying to read."

I think this method is working really well!

Weekend Warriors!

It's Friday!  Unfortunately, it's not my last day of work this week, but whatevs.  It's still Friday, and that' something to smile about!  I'm going to be doing my very first Weekend Warriors here, so why don't you go visit Joy @ Living on Trees, link up, and join us!

• Today, I get to do a lot of working.  I've worked 3 days so far for a total of 30 hours already.  Today I get to work some more and then tomorrow, you guessed it, more work.  The only thing keeping me going is knowing that my paycheck will be ballin'!
• Tonight is grocery shopping.  Normally, this would be a pain.  But recently, we discovered the joy that is Trader Joe's, so grocery shopping is actually a very exciting thing nowadays!
• Mike is off tomorrow, so he gets to have a nice Daddy-Daughter day while Mommy works.  Afterwards, we're heading to church.  I am so excited to go to church with this renewed fire for the Lord.  I can't wait to worship!
• Sunday morning we're taking Katie to do her 18 month photos.  I know, I know, she's almost 19 months.  But we had an appointment earlier in the month.  Daddy had to work.  We had to reschedule.  We couldn't do it last Sunday because it was my niece's 5th birthday party.  So we're doing it this Sunday.  I'm so excited.  We won a $75 gift certificate from Joy (at the above-mentioned blog) about 8 months ago and we're finally getting to use it!
• We're also hoping for a little day-date on Sunday.  Maybe head to a movie.  There's a couple we want to see.  We'll see - we are kinda broke.

So what are you up to this weekend?

Itchy, itchy, scratch, scratch

I am SO unbelievably excited.  I have been itching all day long to get to my computer so I can blog!  (yes, yes, I have the blogger app, but my goodness - I canNOT write out an entire blog on my phone!)


This morning ... I was broken.

Okay ... let me clear this up a little bit.  I am a Christian.  I was saved back in December of 2006.  I was truly on fire for the Lord for about a year.  Then I began slacking.  I stopped reading my Bible every day.  I stopped praying every day.  Heck, I stopped praying when I needed to pray.  In fact, if anyone brought up praying, I would actually experience a mini anxiety attack.  Needless to say, I was NOT a good Christian.

This morning, Mike called me to inform me that our finances were quite bleak.  Things are not looking good for us and won't for awhile, barring some sort of miracle.  (Mind you, they're not TERRIBLE, people are experiencing much worse, but they're definitely not good.)

I was SO depressed on my way to drop Katie off and on the way to work.  I barely talked to my mother-in-law when I brought Katie over.

(This may seem like a sidebar, but I promise, it's not.)  I have a 6-CD changer in my car.  #1 is The Band Perry.  #2 is some crappy random mix CD I made Mike when we were dating.  #3 is The Wedding.  #4 is a message by my pastor on marriage.  #5 is Hillsong Live.  #6 is a Wow CD.

CD #5 came up.  Hillsong.  Worship music.  Live.  Normally, it's just background music.  And the first few songs were just that.  Background noise to the utter defeat I was feeling.  Then "Hosanna" came on. Another song that is normally just a part of the backdrop.  Before I knew it, though, my hand was raised (unheard of for me) and tears were streaming down my face.

I was broken.

I sang out to the Lord.  I cried out to the Lord.  I begged him to break me, to mold me, to "break my heart for what breaks Yours."  I let the tears fall, knowing what I must have looked like to everyone driving around me.  I didn't care.  It was time between just me and my Lord.  He was speaking to me and I was listening.

I got to work about 20 minutes early.  I knew I was going to be early and thought I'd just take the extra time on my paycheck.  But as soon as that song came on, I knew it was going to happen differently.  I used that extra time to read my Bible (well, my Bible app) and to pray.

I prayed about so many things.  I prayed for God to heal my heart (which has been aching for Him for so long ... I just didn't realize it).  I prayed for God to give me the courage to follow through with my committment to a Bible study this year (studying through the book of Acts from September through May.  By myself.  With no one I know.  I know some great, God-centered friendships are going to grow from this).  I prayed for God to heal all of the things that are beginning to crumble in our lives. I prayed for God to give me the strength and conviction to be a better witness for Him.

I prayed for God to give us direction on this big decision in our lives.  I prayed that, whatever His will, either Mike's heart or my heart would change.  I don't want either of us to feel defeated or betrayed or bullied.

And you know what?  It is amazing how the Lord works.  I already feel a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders.  I didn't have an anger the moment I walked in the door, anticipating what annoyances I'm going to experience.  I didn't yell at Katie when she got upset about leaving YaYa's house.  I made dinner without huffing.  I did the dishes before dinner without getting annoyed.  And Mike did the dishes after.  Without me asking.  Without him even mentioning it to me.

I can feel the changes already.  And I'm so excited for what the Lord has in store for us.

For your viewing, listening, and spiritual pleasure:

So What Wednesday

I have about a half an hour before Katie and I have to leave to drop her off at YaYa's house and get me off to work.  She's watching Cat in the Hat and I'm taking the opportunity to blog.

Problem is, I'm not sure what exactly I want to write about today.  I don't want to do another binky post because I want to hold off on that until Saturday.

I suppose I can do a So What Wednesday!

So why don't you head on over to visit Shannon at Life After I "Dew" and join us!

So What If ...

• I'm uber upset that my tan is fading.  The extreme heat killed our outdoors activities and now I'm working a crap-ton this week.  I realize sunbathing isn't healthy, but whatever, I do it anyway.
• I have "freckles" on my shoulders that are actually sun-spots.  Here's the deal: I like them.  I think they're adorable.  And my husband does, too!  So, win-win!
• I feel like a teenager before picture day with this horrible skin of mine.  I decided to try a new makeup remover and, alas, I'm pitching it.  I don't feel bad, it wasn't expensive.  I'm just sad it took a massive amount of break-outs for my skin to tell me it doesn't like it.
• I let Katie watch unlimited amounts of cartoons in the morning.  Well, I shouldn't say "unlimited." I should say "she watches as much as she wants until we have to head out the door to YaYa's."  Which usually amounts to about an hour, maybe an hour and a half.
• I want the new cat to attack Katie.  Katie is VICIOUS to that cat.  And not intentionally, really.  Well, kind of intentionally.  She knows what she's doing, she just doesn't seem to grasp that pulling the cat's tail to rub it under your nose hurts the kitty.  She doesn't respond to time-outs.  She doesn't respond to hand-slaps.  I think it's gonna take a full-on attack from the cat.

Well, my friends ... I think that's all the "so what"s I have today!  Enjoy your Wednesday!!!!

browbeater, coercer, intimidator

Ever have one of those days where the rug seems to be pulled out from underneath you?  Something is said, something is done, that just knocks you and sends you tumbling?

That happened today.

It wasn't devastating.  But it hurt.  An idea was brought up and my first instinct was to fight it.  This isn't what I want!  This goes against everything we've been talking about!  This isn't fair!!!


But, the truth is, not discussing it wasn't fair.  Fighting it right out of the gate wasn't fair.  Trying to force guilt wasn't fair.  Trying to bully wasn't fair.

That's what I am.

I'm a big ol' bully.  A meanie.

And that needs to change.  And that change begins right here.

We gave two minutes each to argue our points, to defend our positions.  And, although I definitely gave a better argument (facts, opinions, statistics, all that jazz), his won.  And his won because his was about feelings: desires, fears, needs.  In the end, in a good relationship, feelings win over cold hard facts every time.

Update on the Binky Debacle

It's officially day 4.

We have made the cut lengthwise in the binky.

She has taken 2 naps without it.  She even went to bed without it last night.

I really think this method is working.

She still sometimes cries out for her binky, but once she gets it, she doesn't want it.  And she doesn't continue to cry out for it.

I know the method says to be done with the binky after today.  However, I think we may keep it around tomorrow, just to reinforce the idea that this binky is not what it used to be.  It's not soothing her.

She still thinks the binky soothes her.  Until she gets it and remembers otherwise, anyway.




Oh, and we've officially just gotten our first mark of crayon on the wall.  I think I'll be blogging about this later.

Book Recommendations

Every once in a while, I come across a book or an author that someone has recommended to me that I find hard to put down.

About a year ago, it was Maria de los Santos.  She's a poet who has written two novels (Love Walked In and Belong to Me - both follow the same main character, but you don't need to read the first to enjoy the second).  This woman is clearly a very gifted writer.  And the fact that she's a poet only helps to increase her ability to write a good novel.  She chooses each word so carefully (a trait not many novelists have but every poet needs).  There is so much emotion in every single line, every paragraph, each chapter.  It's hard not to identify with any character in her books.

Recently, though, someone recommended David Mitchell.  I thought I had heard of him before but, upon further research, I don't think I have.  There are two books by this author now currently in my house.  The first I got from the library and the second I had to purchase because the library does not carry it.

I'm currently reading "The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet."

I'm not very far into it but I have just one word: wow.  Again, the word choice is so deliberate.  The writing style is a throwback to the classics, which is not common in current fiction.  I am just so amazed.

I'm fairly positive this is a book I will be purchasing.  I am very glad I bought "Cloud Atlas" now, knowing how much I love Mitchell's writing style.

Anyway, I know how much I love receiving book recommendations from others, so I thought I'd pass this one on.

Conspiracy Theories

Now, I know you're probably going to call me crazy, but before you do, hear me out.

I think my school and my daughter are conspiring to end my existance.




Whoa, whoa, I believe I asked you to reserve judgement, did I not?


Okay, so here are my reasons why I think this to be true.

1) My school is trying to gyp me out of financial aid.  (Fun Fact: the term "gyp" is actually short for gypsy.  Ha, didn't realize you were being non-PC when you said that, did ya?)  I have filled out and walked in the forms necessary multiple times.  And they still request them.  When I go today, it will be the fourth time I have turned these forms in.  Someone's gonna get a whoopin' if they send me a letter again.

2) My school is also trying to make me go for an extra year.  Now, let me explain.  As an elementary education major, there are two classes that I must take (well, more than that, but whatever.  For the purpose of this explanation, there's two).  One is Math for Teachers I and the other is Math for Teachers II.  I is offered only in the fall.  II is only offered in the spring.  Makes sense, no complaints there.  However, my counselor failed to tell me that I would need to retake my placement exam for math to place out of MAT085 (which is algebra and geometry II - a class I took in 8th grade and freshman year, respectively).  I need MAT085 to take Math for Teachers I.  So, here I am, reviewing algebra and geometry, preparing myself for the placement test today so I can save myself a boatload of money and time.  Oh, and my sanity.

Now here's where my child comes into place.

3) Katie has made it her mission to destroy every bit of math worksheet she encounters.  She's been chewing on my calculator like a brand new puppy with a slipper.  She has been throwing fits.  She dumped an entire sippy cup of milk into the carpet. And she refused to go down for a nap until 1:30.  Oy.  She knows today is a big day and she's determined to screw it up, I just know it.

It's almost as if those stupid Triton people have brainwashed my daughter and have trained her to do their bidding.

Yet another reason to move to Florida.

Moving?!?!?!

Sigh.  No, we're not moving.  Not anytime in the foreseeable future, anyway.

However, I would like to take this time to announce my deep desire to move.  And not because of the house we're in or the neighborhood.  It's more than that.

I want out of Chicago.  I have never felt like a Chicagoan.  I have no loyalties to this city, never felt a sense of pride when I see it on TV or featured in movies.

I don't love this city.  I don't love this area.  I hate the Midwest, I hate Illinois.  And I realize "hate" is a very strong word.

Here's the deal.  I want to move south.  I want to move to Florida.

Now, don't call me crazy just yet.  If there's one thing I do love about Chicago, it's the summer.  The heat, the humidity.  Bring it on! (I have naturally straight hair that does not, I repeat, does not get frizzy in the humidity, so that's one thing to consider).  So, in reality, Florida weather I can handle.

Specifically, I want to move near Clearwater.  Gulf side of Florida.  Beautiful.

How could I deny my family this?

How could they deny me this?

I guess the idea here is that, I want out of Chicago.  I want into Florida.  And, really, who's stopping me?  No one but myself.  I have an amazing husband who would gladly move for me, wouldn't even ask questions.

Okay, maybe he'd ask questions.  But he'd most likely be on board.

I think it's time to make a decision.  Florida, here we come!!!!!  :)

Bye-Bye Binky!!!!

Photo Credit

If there is one vice Katie has, it's her binky.  And I've had it.  I have had enough of the tantrums if it can't be found.  I have had enough of the whining for her "binty."  I have had it with this girl who thinks she NEEDS her pacifier in order to survive.

I have also had enough of the guilt from her pediatrician.  And now that she's 18 months and heading for her well-visit this afternoon, I'm pulling the plug on her plug.

The problem has been, though, two-fold.  1) I didn't have any support in this decision until recently (and even at that, I don't know if the support is really there or not - maybe I'm just making it up in my head).  2) The idea of taking her binky away from her is daunting.  It's intimidating.  She's intimidating.  And I know I shouldn't admit that I'm intimidated by my daughter, but it's the truth.  I want her to be happy.  I don't want her to be mad at me.  But I also want her to be healthy, show off her beautiful smile without obstruction, and not be socially blocked.

I've heard some recommendations from fellow moms who have gone through the same thing.  I have heard horror stories from moms who are still going through it.

I decided last weekend we were going to have a Bye-Bye Binky party this weekend.  And by party, I mean the family gathers together, collecting all the pacifiers in the houses, make a big to-do about saying "bye-bye," and putting them in the drawer.  And then I heard there is a good chance she will simply replace her pacifier with her thumb.  Which is equally bad.

That's when I took to ol' Google.  Simply typed in "bye-bye binky," and came across this.

Nothing else has made as much sense as this method has.  Reduce the amount of pleasure your child experiences while sucking on his/her binky!  Genius!!!

So, this shall be my method.  

And now I can go to Katie's appointment today with a plan in place to be binky-free by the weekend!

Viruses are the WORST!

Seriously, whoever gave this bug to my bug needs to be hit.

Monday evening, Katie developed a fever.  101.4.  Then it went up to 102.3.  We gave her Tylenol and hoped for the best.  Overnight, she woke up multiple times.  We spent some time on the couch (quite a few hours, actually).  Her temperature was down to 100.2 by morning.  We gave her more Tylenol, called the doctor for advice.  The nurse (her favorite - big shout out to Craig, the best nurse at Dr Manus' office) said to just keep her going with Tylenol, give her a warm bath and call back if the temperature spikes again.

By mid-morning, her temp was down to 97.6.  We went into the city and got ourselves a kitty (which is a whole notha post).  Came home, no temp so no Tylenol.  Gave her a bath, put her to bed.  Overnight, the temp skyrocketed to 103.6.  We stripped her down, gave her more Tylenol and she fell asleep.  Of course, this was yet another fitful night, spent alternating between Mommy & Daddy's bed and the couch with Mommy.

In the morning, we called and made an appointment with our doctor.  It was good to get some reassurance that we were doing what we could, but it sucked to find out that it was viral and there wasn't much we could do.  Doctors orders are as follows: plenty of fluids, bland foods (dry cereal, applesauce, pasta), and limiting her dairy intake.  This poor girl was MISERABLE without her milk.

Last night was probably one of the worst nights.  She slept in her crib for about an hour and a half.  Then she moved into our bed.  And was up every 45 minutes.  If it wasn't her waking up because she was hot or thirsty, it was because the new kitty came in meowing or Mommy got a wicked tickle in her lung and had a coughing fit.

Poor Daddy has to work all day and got a really bad night's sleep.  And there's no napping for me today, since every opportunity afforded me (and hopefully there are plenty of naps - and long ones at that) will be spent showering and cleaning the kitty box and reviewing for this dreaded math placement test that I was led to believe I didn't have to take.  Oh well, nothing like waiting to enroll in the math class I NEED (that's only offered in the fall - and hopefully this is my last fall at Triton) to find out that the counselor effed up.  Lovely.

And here I am, first post in over a month, doing nothing but complaining.

Goodness me, I promise I'll try not to be so Negative Nancy next time.  Besides, it's not my fault - I also just realized I'm out of coffee. :(

(just because it seems so fitting)